Many years ago, when I was a Youth pastor, I use to
wonder why parents complained about their teenagers’ behaviour. I soon realised what they were talking about
when my daughter started secondary school.
The adolescence period is a very delicate one; this time is when they
lay the foundation for their adult lives.
If we give teenagers independence without helping them to face the
responsibilities that go with it, they may grow up without the will power and
with little self-discipline. From my
experience as a youth leader and a parent, I believe parents need to find a
middle way that encourages responsibility and that is effective. So let’s begin by understanding our
adolescent young people and what is happening to them. Adolescents go through four major changes at
once:
1) In their bodies
Arms and legs grow so fast that they can feel clumsy and
are easily embarrassed. 80% of 100
younger teenagers worry a great deal about their appearance – about pimples, spots,
the size and shape of their nose, ears.
Awful inferiority feelings can develop at this stage.
2) In their feelings
Sudden swings in mood.
3) In their social lives
Conflicting demands of friends, adverts and TV to go
against what parents expects of them.
What parents see as misbehaviour is often just behaviour that makes them
cool in their friends’ eyes. The ‘second
family’ tells them they must be interested in label clothes, drinking, drugs
etc.
4) In their thinking
As their ability to think develops, they also become
painfully aware of the gap between how the world is and how it should be. So they can become critical of adults and
their standards.
Beneath the misbehaviour, sometimes there lies insecurity
of leaving childhood, fears of adult responsibilities, sexual tensions and
worries about group pressures. There are
questions like: What am I really like?
How do I come across to others? What do boys/girls think of me? Sadly, in the absence of encouragement and
support many teenagers answer many of these questions negatively. Our teens need a lot of support and guidance
from their parents/youth leaders coupled with praying for them.
Blessings,
Dupe
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