Parenting Teenagers - Where do I start? (2)

Connect with your Teens

Following on from my last post, I believe that the best place to start with our teenagers is to connect with them.  This means making time for them, time to take an interest in what is happening to them, including the details of their lives.  Time to remember those details and ask about them.  Instead of saying “How was your day?” why don’t you ask a detailed question like “What did your Science teacher say about your project?”  You will find out that as you ask, they will open up and it can lead to another topic.  For example, I asked my daughter what they were taught in the Youth church one Sunday and she said that they talked about friendships and that question gave us the opportunity to discuss further about good and bad friends and I shared some of my experiences with her. 

 

It’s dangerous not to know what is going on with them.  How would you know when they need encouragement or help if you don’t know the details of their lives?   Parents must find a way to connect with their young people.  If you don’t know how, take time to observe them and identify what they like.  For example, I noticed that my 14 year old daughter seems to open up and talk when we go shopping so I always make time to take her to the shopping centre near me.  You might say it’s easy because we are both females but I don’t usually enjoy shopping.  Most of the time, I just buy one item for her but we always chat and connect just by window shopping.  You are the expert on your child so find out how to connect with them.  If you don’t connect with your teen, someone else will probably do and they might not have their best interest at heart or they might take advantage of them.

We need to connect with our young people on three major levels:

1)  Physical Level

The physical only acknowledges what’s obvious to the observer.  This is when you complement them on how they look, dress or act.  You might want to say to your teen…

“Your hair looks great.”

“That’s a nice top”

“You played well”

You should not exaggerate or lie.  They will know that you don’t mean it.

 

2)  Emotional Level

This is when we take time to understand our teen’s feelings.  Feelings are important because they make us unique and interesting.  When I know how you feel I can understand you better.  Teenagers can mask their feelings but we must be able to read the signs, to look and listen to find out what’s going on their inside.  It is important to understand how they feel so that we can support and encourage them when they need it.  The best way to do this is by listening to them.   Listening often involves remaining silent and being genuinely caring and wanting to understand. What teenagers need is a chance to express their thoughts and feelings that are inside of them

3)  Spiritual Level

This is when parents share their faith with their teens.  You must be able to share your faith with your children.  As Christians, my husband and I regularly discuss our belief in God and experiences with our children. We also take time to pray and share God’s word together.  It helps us to connect with them on a spiritual level.

In summary, the adolescence period is a very delicate one because they go through major changes in their lives during this period.  So our teens need a lot of support and guidance from their parents/youth leaders coupled with praying for them. 

With best regards,

Dupe Makinde

www.Godsgracefoundation.org

Parenting Teenagers - Where do I start? (1)

 

Many years ago, when I was a Youth pastor, I use to wonder why parents complained about their teenagers’ behaviour.  I soon realised what they were talking about when my daughter started secondary school.  The adolescence period is a very delicate one; this time is when they lay the foundation for their adult lives.  If we give teenagers independence without helping them to face the responsibilities that go with it, they may grow up without the will power and with little self-discipline.  From my experience as a youth leader and a parent, I believe parents need to find a middle way that encourages responsibility and that is effective.  So let’s begin by understanding our adolescent young people and what is happening to them.  Adolescents go through four major changes at once:

1)  In their bodies

Arms and legs grow so fast that they can feel clumsy and are easily embarrassed.  80% of 100 younger teenagers worry a great deal about their appearance – about pimples, spots, the size and shape of their nose, ears.  Awful inferiority feelings can develop at this stage.

 

2)  In their feelings

Sudden swings in mood.

3)  In their social lives

Conflicting demands of friends, adverts and TV to go against what parents expects of them.  What parents see as misbehaviour is often just behaviour that makes them cool in their friends’ eyes.  The ‘second family’ tells them they must be interested in label clothes, drinking, drugs etc.

4)  In their thinking

As their ability to think develops, they also become painfully aware of the gap between how the world is and how it should be.  So they can become critical of adults and their standards. 

Beneath the misbehaviour, sometimes there lies insecurity of leaving childhood, fears of adult responsibilities, sexual tensions and worries about group pressures.  There are questions like:  What am I really like? How do I come across to others? What do boys/girls think of me?  Sadly, in the absence of encouragement and support many teenagers answer many of these questions negatively.  Our teens need a lot of support and guidance from their parents/youth leaders coupled with praying for them.

 

Blessings,

 

Dupe

www.Godsgracefoundation.org